WatermelonLand

11/19/11
I hope you're in less pain now.
Love you, Chubby.

Rest in peace.

He said it only ever happened in those sappy human movies—the pressing fingers of death pulling him deep into the ground...
But this was real, and real life was no sappy movie—it was cruel, filled with the harsh fact of reality, ready to end your world as abruptly as it had started it.

He said it was only possible in dramas, in epics full of bravery, heroism, and endless sacrifice—the beating of a heart dying in between synchronization...
But dramas and epics were only grand in the midst of storytelling—only created to hide the truth that each and every person capable of feeling had feared at least once in their existence – death.

He said it would never touch him as long as he was still smiling, laughing, and dancing with the fresh breath of beautiful, wonderful life—the image of his body forever engraved within ambers of fire and then darkness...
But life worked in strange, mysterious ways, and it was not always beautiful or wonderful—and when it was ready to let you go, whether gently or harshly, even the steady begging of a smile, a laugh, or a dance could not sway it to keep you alive.

And in the end, he knew he had to accept that.

xxx

"Here now, on this day,... You're no longer here."

Rest in peace, Brian.
Sept. 10th

She had never known of a life before. She knew of ones that existed now, where everyday passed by in a blur of colors and commands and endless, continuous silence.

There was noise - she knew those things existed, of course - but, as the days grew into months, they merely blended in and clashed together; until all she heard was the drone of nothing and nothing echoing into the night.

And during these times, she wished she was able to lay her head down and just sleep. So when she dimmed her eyes at night, she could dream of those other things - the slow ones, the ones full of motion and emotion; distinctive, distinguishable words, coated in nothing but syllables that are both comforting and welcoming.

She would dream of some things that existed before; not now, with its sharp phantom whispers and obscured faces... She would remember before she forgot how to feel and express, experience and learn; before when the world made sense and she was not afraid to embrace its complex and unpredictable nature.

Before, when nothing had existed but the soft promise of happiness.

--

I'll remember this date forever ^^"

This is the end-

"What do you imagine, as you sit there and stare at the wall?"

I imagine, for a long, brief second, running away into this place with only pinpoints of light, and a comforting blackness all around - a black darkness that envelops me, that has nothing to do with you or this world.

I cherished those moments so much, as I stop time two seconds long enough to look back, and remember - I cherished them because you were with me.

Since when have we lost
The wonderful things that we need somewhere?
I fear the connection to your heart
And I buried myself with my body
During those days when I lied everyday about my fear,
You were already in my heart

If we can think deeply
That someday time will end here,
I think that I will always love you
And I'll be holding out my hand to you

Love is such a scary thing
That’s why we run away as we search for it.

If I have no one to turn to, my tears will catch me and in return for the favor, they tear at my heart and hurt me until I feel as though nothing can help me but the sobs escaping from my lips.

No.

I just...wanted to mourn.

No one was physically injured, no one was dead, no one had moved away or left. But someone was crying. Someone was crying somewhere in the world, and they were hurting. And, for some reason, it made me cry too. It made me think of sweet and lost memories, of a time when nothing could go wrong, of a place where only children were allowed to cry- to cry over petty things like a broken or lost toy- not people who already know of the world.

Words destroy what the heart truly has to say. The things that are worth mentioning, the things that are worth feeling, or knowing. Words help to express our emotions, help to express the basis of what we need to let out- but they can never fully express our deepest and strongest meanings.

They can’t make others feel what we feel, can’t make others experience what we experience. They can’t make others understand.

Then we will fall. Even those born in nature, born with two wings and the instincts of a navigator scouting the ocean of blue above our heads. As flawless, as beautiful, as trained and learned as we are- even the most,

The most graceful of us can fall.

I stare up at the ceiling at night, and I keep searching. I keep searching, and hoping, and wishing I could disappear.

"I would have done it, just so the echoing and harrowing feelings would fade away into nothing but a misty and foggy night - a night so dark and boundless that if one tried an arm out towards it, nothing but a black coldness would have answered in touch."

I can't describe it...it feels so...ugh. I think it's different for everyone and for me, it hurts.

When the rain falls and I lay on the ground and stare up at the ceiling, I wish I could talk to you.

If your brain controls your emotions, and not your heart, then why does it hurt in your heart?

I felt sad inside, as I stared at the date, realizing how much time has passed by.

If I don't even know myself... how can I face the next day, not knowing what I really want from life?

Wish @ 11:11 PM
Wish @ 11:11 AM
Wish on a shooting star
Wish after making 1000 paper cranes
Wish after throwing a penny into the water fountain
Wish before the verge of death

Keep wishing for a miracle.

"I was so afraid someone would come...and hate me."

I'm missing everyone.

I do, I promise I do...

The world will not stop for you, it will not wait for you. You catch it before it's gone...or miss it. Forever.

I think of tomorrow and I wonder, "What's going to happen?"

The ties between people are fragile

I HATE CHANGE!!!! I HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT!!! One day, we will all change...and I'm truly afraid of it.

"We had the awards ceremony...and I started crying in it. My administrator gave me a look that said, "What's wrong?" And I started crying again. Maybe it was because I saw someone who cared about my feelings... It just made me sad that there were some people that sort of cared..."

Why can't we learn from our mistakes?

Memories...

Where are all the good ones?

Feel my pain, please. Borrow it for awhile, so I may feel better. Even if it's only for a little while. Stop these tears because I've cried oceans of them. Someone understand me. Be my best true friend. And never leave me, no matter what.

The day is not day, but night. The stars touching the world and not the sky. Expanding, unafraid. Daring to be a part of everything and not just something.

How could you know a life is precious...
If new lives happen everyday?

You can cry, and cry so much, but there will always be people indifferent to your tears. You can hurt, hurt as though you are slowly dying - pain ripping you inside out, tearing you apart piece by piece - but there will always be people uncaring, to your suffering.

Sometimes I'm afraid there's something wrong with me

I look up at the blue sky, and I imagine where he is, what he's doing at this moment, how he's feeling inside, if he ever thinks about me like I do with him. All I want is him.

Is something wrong with me?

I'm afraid of what tomorrow may bring.

Почему мы плачем?

I wish I knew...why we cried.